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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994419">if i could paint paradise, it'd be you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraudulentzodiacs/pseuds/fraudulentzodiacs'>fraudulentzodiacs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Men's Hockey RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Fluff, M/M, Tiny bit of Angst, Tiny bit of possessive Jonny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:47:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraudulentzodiacs/pseuds/fraudulentzodiacs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Jonny showed how much he loved Patrick, and one time Patrick showed him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Discord 2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if i could paint paradise, it'd be you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I never, ever thought I'd be writing 1988 but HERE WE ARE. This is all @kkane88's fault tbh. But I especially wanted to get this done because she and my other hawks buds are sad today. </p><p>Written for this week's challenge on the RPF server. The theme was “I didn’t tell you that I love you because I wanted to hear it back. I told you because I needed you to know.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They’ve had this <em>thing</em> going on between them for years. Sometimes they do something about it, sometimes they don’t, but Jonny’s always there. He’s always right underneath his skin, a bright and steady presence despite wins and losses, girlfriends and boyfriends. Because he’s <em>Jonny</em>, and Patrick doesn’t think that he can accept a reality anymore that doesn’t include Jonny by his side. They’ve done everything together, been through everything together, and yeah sometimes they fuck but sometimes they don’t and right now they’re in one of their times that they don’t, so Patrick has to get his rocks off somewhere else. Which is fine – he’s a professional athlete in a hockey town, it doesn’t take much effort to pull when he really wants to. And, tonight, he does. They won big against the Blues, Patrick got a hat trick, and they’re all riding high as they take up one of the VIP booths at their favorite post-game bar.</p><p>Jonny’s stuck close to him all night, which kind of kills his game a bit because Jonny’s Jonny and he’s stupid hot, but he manages to get away to get another drink. There’s a petite blonde toward the end of the bar, and she gives him a very obvious once-over as he approaches and stares at him from underneath her lashes as he orders. Her name’s Kimberley, she’s in town for work – Patrick’s not sure what, something in pharmaceuticals maybe? – and she’s definitely giving off vibes that she’d be down if the hand she rests on his arm is any indication. He’s about to ask her if she wants to leave when an arm wraps itself around his shoulders. He doesn’t have to look up to know that it’s Jonny, especially when he feels his hot breath against his skin.</p><p>“You’re taking too long.” He says into his ear, clear over the music, voice rough in a way that has Patrick shivering. “Who’s your friend?”</p><p>“This is, uh…um…”</p><p>“Kimberley.” The girl supplies, offering Jonny her hand. He doesn’t take it, and she looks somewhere between awkward and pissed as she pulls her hand away.</p><p>“The guys are waiting.”</p><p>“Tazer-“ Patrick starts, cranes his neck to look at Jonny, and freezes. There’s no mistaking that look. Patrick knows that look, has known it since that first time their rookie year when Jonny had slammed him against the wall of their hotel room and kissed him senseless. He feels Jonny thread his hand through Patrick’s curls and tug slightly.</p><p>“I’m gonna go.” Kimberley says, and Patrick doesn’t, can’t, say anything as she walks away.</p><p>“C’mon.” Jonny tugs him toward the exit, the complete opposite way of where team’s at.</p><p>They get into Jonny’s car, and Jonny keeps a hand on Patrick’s thigh the entire way to his apartment, squeezing often enough that Patrick’s squirming in his seat by the time they pull into the parking garage. He keeps his hands to himself until they get into the apartment, then Jonny’s hands roam his body as if he’s mapping it for the first time.</p><p>They somehow manage to make it to the bedroom, and Patrick’s a little drunk but he doesn’t think he’s drunk enough to imagine Jonny pressing his face into Patrick’s neck, mouthing words like <em>want</em> and <em>mine </em>and <em>love </em>against his skin as he moves inside of Patrick.</p><p>“Say it again.” Patrick begs, wrapping his legs tighter around Jonny’s waist as his thrusts grow more frantic. “Please, Jonny.”</p><p>Patrick doesn’t expect a response, not really, so he whimpers when Jonny stills above him, hovers and waits for Patrick to look at him.</p><p>“I love you.” He tells him, voice rough but his eyes steady as he stares down at Patrick. Patrick bites his lip, absolutely refuses to cry during sex, but a wet gasp escapes him as Jonny moves in him. “I don’t want anyone else to touch you.”</p><p>Patrick nods, mutters “yes, yes, yeah” and Jonny starts moving again in earnest. He cleans them both up after they’re done, and Patrick’s irrationally worried that Jonny’s going to leave, and feels something loosen in his chest when he slips back into bed beside Patrick, tugs until Patrick’s sprawled across his chest, an arm holding him in place as if Patrick would ever willingly leave. He’s almost lulled to sleep by Jonny’s fingers running up and down his spine when he hears Jonny.</p><p>“It’s okay, if you don’t feel the same.” He says quietly, and it’s only then that in the moment Patrick hadn’t even thought about responding. “I just…wanted you to know. Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.”</p><p>“Shut up.” Patrick kisses Jonny’s chest, wants to move up and capture his lips but he’s too exhausted and blissed out to try. “Of course I love you, idiot.”</p><p>“Okay.” Jonny’s voice is pleased, a little smug, and Patrick rolls his eyes and pinches his side.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Go to sleep.” Jonny orders him, so Patrick does.</p><p>---</p><p>It’s pure chaos, a riotous swirl of noise and color and celebration, staff and family and friends flooding the ice. It’s the fourth time they’ve done this, but Patrick will never get used to it. Crow wraps his arms around him, screams in his ear, and Patrick screams back because they did it. They struggled and battled and they <em>did it</em>.</p><p>He’s older now, more hockey behind him than in front of him, and people had written them off once again but now, now they’re going to raise the Cup one more time. He catches Stromer and Cat clutching each other, eyes wet, and suddenly he needs Jonny <em>right now</em>. He looks over the ice, through the cameras and the mass of bodies and finds him talking quietly to Duncs and Seabs.</p><p>Patrick skates over slowly, and Jonny lifts an arm as he approaches. Patrick fits under his arm just like he always has, and he wraps an arm around Jonny’s waist in return. Duncs and Seabs smile at him, wide and welcome, and Patrick knows that this will probably be the last time the four of them do this together, and he wants to soak in the moment. They eventually get separated for photos, and then Bettman’s on the ice with the Cup. Patrick watches as Jonny skates up, shakes Bettman’s hand, and then he’s got the Cup lifted above his head and the arena erupts into cheers so loud Patrick feels like the building is shaking.</p><p>He does a lap, skates by where their families are watching together, and then his eyes lock on Patrick’s and he knows that he’s coming to him. Patrick’s eyes never leave Jonny as he skates to a stop in front of him.</p><p>“Your turn, baby.” His voice carries over the crowd, and Patrick lifts his arms to take the Cup from the person he loves more than anyone in the world.</p><p>He turns and yells as the team cheers him on, spins around them once before finding Kirbs. He hands it over, and watches as the kid loses his mind. He feels Jonny skate up behind him, a subtle hand on his waist as he leans down to get his mouth level with Patrick’s ear.</p><p>“I love you.” Patrick leans against Jonny, tucks his chin into his chest in an attempt to hide his face. He tells Patrick all the time now, as if finally admitting it had opened a floodgate. Patrick revels in it, finds it grounding every time Jonny tells him. He wants to turn around and kiss him right there, on the ice in front of God and everyone, but he manages to tamp down the instinct and settles for continuing to rest against Jonny’s chest.</p><p>Eventually, Jonny pulls away, skates around him until they’re face-to-face, and there’s a devious glint in his eyes that has Patrick stifling a shiver. He leans in close, so close that Patrick thinks that Jonny is going to kiss him.</p><p>“When we get home, I’m going to show you just how much.” He tells Patrick, and skates away, and Patrick barks out a laugh.</p><p>“You’re a bastard, Tazer!”</p><p>“You love it!” Jonny calls back, and…yeah, Patrick really does.</p><p>---</p><p>Patrick goes down hard thanks to a particularly rough check by one of the Bruins, feels a searing pain in his side as he slowly makes his way to the bench. He’s carted off by the trainers and, after x-rays, they tell him that it’s bruised ribs and he’ll be out for at least two weeks. He’ll miss their long West Coast roadie, and he grumbles about it to Jonny all the way back to their apartment. Jonny takes it as good-naturedly as he can, but shoves a pill into his hand and bundles him off to the bedroom with an icepack once they’re home.</p><p>They have another home game before the roadie, and Patrick tries to convince Jonny that he’s capable of watching from the press box, but finds himself watching the game alone on their couch.</p><p>“I’m already going to be alone for two weeks.” Patrick complains as he watches Jonny put his suit on. “You’re going to make me suffer even more by watching a home game on TV?”</p><p>“Don’t be so dramatic.” Jonny teases, leaning over to drop a kiss on Patrick’s pouting lips. “We’ll only be gone ten days.”</p><p>“Whatever.”</p><p>They make up before Jonny leaves, because of course they do, and Patrick’s only a little bitter about being left behind when Jonny leaves their apartment.</p><p>It takes three hours for Patrick to find the first note.</p><p>He’s starving, and he sticks his head in the fridge to find a stack of pre-made nutritionist approved meals. He grabs the one on top and pauses when he spots a hot pink post-it stuck on top.</p><p>
  <em>Love you. – J</em>
</p><p>Patrick smiles and peels the post-it off and sticks it on the front of the fridge.</p><p>Throughout the day he finds post-its all over the house. There’s one on the bathroom mirror, one on his nightstand attached to his phone charger, another stuck in the book Patrick’s been reading. He saves them all, sticks them on the fridge door with the first one.</p><p>As he’s getting ready for bed, he opens his dresser and finds a thick envelope with his name on it in Jonny’s messy scrawl. He climbs onto the bed and opens it up and finds ten white envelopes, each with a number on it. He grabs the one labeled <em>1</em> and carefully tears it open, finding a hand-written letter inside.</p><p>
  <em>Peeks,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hate that you’re not going to be with us. Here with me. It always feels weird when you’re not at my side, like something’s not right in my universe. It’s been me and you for so long, in so many ways, I don’t think that I know how to really function without you. But I will, I’ll lead our team and get some Ws, because I know you’ll kill me if I don’t. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s ten letters here, one for each day we’ll be apart. I know it’s not the same as you being with us, but just know that I’m thinking about you all the time. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Love,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jonny</em>
</p><p>Patrick clutches the letter to his chest like a heroine from a Jane Austen novel, falls back on the bed overwhelmed with how it feels to be loved by Jonathan Toews.</p><p>---</p><p>Patrick comes to consciousness slowly, the way that only comes with the offseason and vacation. He can feel Jonny’s back pressed up against his own, and the sound of the ocean almost lulls him back into sleep when Jonny’s voice calls to him.</p><p>“I know you’re awake.”</p><p>“Because you’re a freak who listens to me breathe.” Patrick turns and slips an arm around Jonny’s waist, sliding his hand up until it can rest against Jonny’s heart.</p><p>“You love it.” Jonny twists his fingers with Patrick’s and brings his hand up to kiss it before moving it back to his chest.</p><p>“Mmmm.” Patrick hums and kisses Jonny’s shoulder. “I’m starving, feed me.”</p><p>They sit on the balcony attached to their room, looking out at the resort’s private beach as they eat their breakfast. It takes them longer than it used to to get going, most days, between Jonny’s shoulder and Patrick’s knees, but now they have the luxury of taking their time. They linger around the room until almost midday, when Jonny convinces him to head down to the beach.</p><p>They find a couple of chairs with an umbrella shielding them from the sun, because Jonny may tan like a bronzed god, but Patrick will burn even thinking about the sun. They linger there, Patrick dozing while Jonny reads the weird health-conscious book he’d brought with him. He eventually coaxes Jonny into the water for a bit, getting him out far enough that Patrick can wrap himself around Jonny and let the water carry them both. They trade slow, lazy kisses that devolve into just breathing the same air. Patrick stays locked around Jonny and Jonny holds him close, running his hands down Patrick’s spine or tangling his fingers in his curls. Patrick feels grounded by it, Jonny the solid presence that keeps him settled.</p><p>They go back to the chairs to dry off, eventually, and Patrick starts dozing again when he feels Jonny grab his hand. He rubs a thumb over Patrick’s knuckles, and Patrick practically purrs with it.</p><p>“Patrick.” Jonny tugs gently on his hand, and Patrick finally opens his eyes to find Jonny kneeling on the sand in front of him. He looks nervous but determined, like it’s game 7 and they’re one shot away from winning it all.</p><p>“Jon?” He asks, and Jonny reaches into his pocket and opens Patrick’s hand that he’s holding. He presses something into his palm, never looking away from Patrick.</p><p>“I love you so much Peeks.” He tells him as he pushes Patrick’s hand back toward him. “Will you marry me?”</p><p>Patrick looks down and opens the hand that Jonny had given back to him and finds a simple platinum band resting there. He feels his breath hitch, and he can’t stop staring at it because, sure, they’d talked about getting married, but he didn’t think it was going to happen <em>now</em>.</p><p>“Patrick?” Jonny’s voice cuts through his thoughts, and Patrick looks up to find Jonny watching him, a frown on his face and his eyebrows pinched.</p><p>“Are you serious?” Patrick asks, clutching the ring to his chest.</p><p>“Of course. Are you not-“</p><p>“Yes!” Patrick throws himself at Jonny, and they only just miss knocking Jonny’s bad shoulder on the lounge chair behind him. Patrick scrambles up until he’s hovering over Jonny, kissing every inch of bare skin under him. “Fuck yes I’ll marry you.”</p><p>---</p><p>They talk about getting married in Winnipeg. Jonny asks if he wants to get hitched in Buffalo. They even briefly discuss a beach wedding in the offseason.</p><p>“I don’t even care where we do it.” Jonny tells him one morning as they’re getting ready to head in for morning skate. Patrick has his toothbrush stuck in his mouth as he’s distracted by the long planes of Jonny’s back as he rifles through his haphazardly arranged t-shirt drawer. Jonny finally finds the one he wants and turns back to where Patrick’s standing in the bathroom. “I just want to be married to you.”</p><p>Patrick’s heart skips a beat and he almost chokes on the toothpaste. He wraps up what he’s doing and heads into their closet to grab his own clothes. When he comes back, Jonny’s tying his shoes and Patrick just…he really loves him.</p><p>“Why don’t we just get married?” He asks, and Jonny looks up at him with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Isn’t that what we’re doing? I thought that was the agreement we made when I proposed.”</p><p>“No, I mean let’s just…do it. Go to the courthouse or something.”</p><p>“You don’t want to have a wedding?” Jonny’s eyebrows are doing that pinched thing again that makes Patrick want to smooth it out with his thumb.</p><p>“Yeah that’d be okay, but it’s like you said. I just want to be married. I don’t really care how we do it.”</p><p>Patrick watches as Jonny thinks it over, and he eventually leaves him to it to finish getting ready. He eventually finds Jonny at the kitchen island studying his phone. He slides up beside him and leans against his arm so he can read what’s on his screen. It’s the Cook County website, with instructions on how to get a marriage license.</p><p>“It says we can get the license and get married at city hall.”</p><p>“Oh, cool.”</p><p>“We could…” Jonny starts, then turns to look at Patrick. “We could do it today, if we wanted to.”</p><p>“After morning skate?” Patrick asks, and Jonny shrugs.</p><p>“Do you want to?”</p><p>“Do you?” Patrick counters, and Jonny rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>“Let’s do it.” Patrick leans over and kisses Jonny. “Can we call Sharpy, though? I want someone there.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“C’mon, let’s get married.”</p><p>They somehow make it through morning skate without telling anyone. They stash their suits in an empty training room and change into them once everyone on the team have left. Sharpy and Abby are waiting for them when they get there, and Patrick’s concerned that Abby’s going to vibrate out of her skin when she throws her arms around him.</p><p>“I’m so happy for you two.”</p><p>“Thanks.” He kisses her cheek and accepts a tight hug from Sharpy.</p><p>“Let’s do this.” He tells Patrick and Jonny, and Patrick reaches for Jonny’s hand as they walk into the building.</p><p>It’s an easier process than Patrick thought it would be. They apply for the license, pay the fee, then they’re sent across the street to city hall and told to wait for their turn. Patrick knows his knee is bouncing wildly, impatient, and Jonny places a hand on his knee and squeezes without saying anything. Patrick covers his hand with his own, and it works to calm Patrick.</p><p>“You two are sickeningly cute.” Sharpy chirps, and Jonny smiles and looks at him in a way that has Patrick’s heart swelling in his chest. Because, yeah, they’ve been together for years, in love for even longer, but Jonny still looks at him like he’s the greatest thing Jonny’s ever seen, and Patrick hopes that never stops.</p><p>They only have to wait about half an hour, and then he and Jonny are standing up in front of the judge, Sharpy and Abby in the front row of the courthouse. It’s quick, simple, ceremony. They say their vows, Patrick gives Jonny his ring and Jonny gives Patrick back the engagement ring he’s worn for months that will now serve as his wedding band. It feels different, somehow, on his finger – heavier and even more sacred. Jonny lifts his hand up and kisses where the ring rests, and Patrick absolutely refuses to fucking cry. They kiss, and Jonny whispers <em>I love you</em> against his lips, and then that’s it. They’re married, and Patrick can hardly believe it until they’re handed the license back from the judge.</p><p>“Congratulations.” She tells them, then winks. “And go Hawks.”</p><p>---</p><p>“Jonny! Where did you put the bag?”</p><p>“You put it by the door yesterday!”</p><p>“Yeah, well it’s not there now!” Patrick yells in the direction of the upstairs. It still feels weird, six months after moving in, to have so much space that he has to yell for Jonny to hear him.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t do anything with it!”</p><p>“I guess the ghost moved it.” Patrick grumbles, stomping off to the living room to search. It’s not there, so he heads back upstairs and calls out for Jonny again.</p><p>“I found it.” Jonny replies, his voice coming from down the hall, and Patrick isn’t surprised to find him in the nursery. It’s where he’s gone for months whenever he needs a moment of peace, and despite his frustration Patrick can’t help but lean against the doorframe and watch his husband. He’s got the onesie that the front office gave Patrick in his hands, Hawks red with the team logo on the front and Kane-Toews on the back and the number <em>1</em>.</p><p>“I think we should put her in this for her first outfit.” Jonny tells him.</p><p>“I thought you wanted the gray one with the elephants?”</p><p>“Yeah, but…this is us, y’know? We wouldn’t be here without the team, wouldn’t be having her. It’s important.”</p><p>“Hawks forever, huh?” Patrick steps into the room and wraps his arms around Jonny’s middle.</p><p>“Well, they couldn’t get rid of us even after we retired, so yeah apparently.”</p><p>“It’s still hot to watch you standing behind that bench.” Patrick kisses Jonathan’s neck, runs his nose through Jonny’s hair, now streaked with just enough gray to make him look distinguished. Patrick’s hairline recedes more and more, but when he complains about it Jonny just kisses him and tells him he’s just as handsome as the day they met. Patrick rolls his eyes every time, but it still makes his heart stutter in his chest.</p><p>“Yeah, well, knowing you’re up there lording over all of us as the GM is hot too.” Jonny turns to kiss his forehead and folds the onesie into the bag they’d pack to take to the hospital. “Are you ready?”</p><p>“Yeah, Melissa said the contractions were getting closer together. Let’s get this show on the road.”</p><p>Patrick watches as Jonny grabs the bag and turns to leave and stops him with a hand on his arm. He reaches up and pulls until Jonny’s lips meet his own, so familiar and still thrilling after all these years. He pulls away, and Jonny’s smile is soft when Patrick opens his eyes.</p><p>“I love you.” He tells him, because he doesn’t think he could ever tell him enough.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jonny kisses him again. “I know.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come scream with me about hockeys @bennsseguin on tumblr!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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